i've calmed a little, these past few days, but the sudden snow this morning unsettled me, fat flakes against sweet pink cherry blossoms ringed round the fountain, a strange schitzophrenic sunlight and i know just how it feels. my reality's not what it used to be; sometimes i forget to wake up and spend all day in a loud, frenetic dream. i've been misplacing letters, whole words, little bits of identity that i'm not sure how to part with. i am sick with the motion of the world, i want solitude, i want shade.

the ducklings are hatching, and i held one in my hand, just big enough to cover my palm with the scraggly floppy head resting on my thumb, too new to hold its own weight. it will be fed to a hawk or perhaps a lion within the week, was lucky to have hatched in the first place, might be trampled tonight by its own brothers and sisters, and i just sat there holding it, holding, holding, wanting to empart some small comfort while i could.