One thing that Mother Culture does not teach us women is to cultivate community amongst ourselves. For most of my life, most of my friends have been male; it was not until recently that I recognized that part of the reason is internalized misogyny - women are catty, women are too emotional, women are fickle. Certainly many of my closest friends have been female, but in high school I could count them on one hand, the rest men. At Drexel, same: my best friend there a woman and essentially all the rest male. It was only recently at Prescott that I began to gather a circle of women friends, and after just a few days away I miss them dearly. (Hi Kes!)
I think that if we are catty and fickle, it is because we are told to be so. I see so many women who seem just brittle, all their energy pointed outwards, so many layers of defense. But it is such a relief to be in a group of good women friends, to relax into their warmth and comfort. It is a different sort of intimacy, and in the past few days home I have come to realize it as I spend time with my - male - friends here. Today I'll be seeing some of my oldest and closest women friends, and I'm looking forward to it more than I'd expected to. The boys will always be my boys, and I love them, but it's good to have my ladies around, too.
I think that if we are catty and fickle, it is because we are told to be so. I see so many women who seem just brittle, all their energy pointed outwards, so many layers of defense. But it is such a relief to be in a group of good women friends, to relax into their warmth and comfort. It is a different sort of intimacy, and in the past few days home I have come to realize it as I spend time with my - male - friends here. Today I'll be seeing some of my oldest and closest women friends, and I'm looking forward to it more than I'd expected to. The boys will always be my boys, and I love them, but it's good to have my ladies around, too.
I've always been exactly the opposite. All my true friends, my deepest loves have been women. Only now, in my forties and single have I started to have real friendships with men. I'm still figuring it out.
Posted by nina | 10/5/06 14:10
I'm the same as both of you. Like Nina, the majority of my close friends over the span of my life have been women. Like Kat, the majority of my close friends over the span of my life have been people of the opposite sex.
(Hi Kes too!)
Posted by Chris Clarke | 10/5/06 20:31
hi Kat! i love you so much!
Posted by kestrel | 12/5/06 23:04