> jumping into life.

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New Year's Realizations:

1. I can be really, really lazy. This applies to the physical (oh no, you guys go hiking, I'm gonna lie here), the creative (signing up for a series of pottery classes and going to only the first three, planning projects in my head that never get done), the emotional (breaking up with someone because they make me work hard at being honest), and the general (putting the lid only halfway back on the spice jar, washing the dishes but not actually getting them clean).

2. I can be really unreasonably driven. This also applies to the physical (staying on the swim team for a year after I hated it, kickboxing until I literally passed out), but mostly to the general (I didn't miss a single 5 AM zazen period all summer, I slogged an hour through three feet of snow to a volunteer job in Philly one winter, I worked double split shifts for a week when the manager walked out on the cafe I worked at).

3. I can be very dishonest. From little peacekeeping fibs and omissions (not reminding grandma that I was present for the story she's telling me) to pretty serious deceptions (telling him nothing happened between us).

4. I am afraid of making mistakes. This prevents me from trying new things or from following through on them (climbing, skiing, singing, painting), and currently is preventing me from deciding what I want to do with my life. Or actually what I want at all. I am hesitant to state desires and preferences in general, from movies and groceries to careers.

5. I want to eat meat again. (Take that, number four!)

6. Anything is possible. Still, change takes time.

Oh, fine. Start up with the dead animals after leaving me here with the Argentine steakhouse and the silpancha.


Pout pout pout.

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