it changes like this: i begin to think of my body not as an object to be admired or disdained, but as an active and valuable tool to be used and cared for. without quite realizing it, i begin to worry less about whether my thighs jiggle when i walk and more about whether they can deliver a good roundhouse. i want strong abs because they will support a strong left hook. i want my calves to be flexible enough to let me touch my heels to the floor during downward dog. my form improves. my biceps ache. i notice my body more, not just when i'm confronted with a mirror. at work i move my weight forward and pull my shoulders back and i feel lighter. i notice my breathing. fat days nonwithstanding, my body is becoming a part of me, again.


we're going rockstacking now, twelve-thirty at night, just-past-full moon. i am learning a lot about balance these days. i'm learning a lot.