i hate days when i feel fat. i mean, on top of feeling fat, i feel ungrateful: i know i'm not fat. fat and i have only the most passing of relationships, mostly through mutual friends. sure, he's made acquaintance with my thighs and my belly and that bit that jiggles under the arms when you punch, but there's hardly a female on earth who eats and isn't fat there. and usually, i really don't mind. in fact, i'd say that that bit of soft on my tummy is one of my favorite parts about my body. usually.


usually.


today, however, i feel slothful and weak and just plain fat. it's stupid and i can't help it. i haven't been kickboxing since last week, and haven't been to yoga in two weeks, and even though i bought some gloves and ate a bigass salad last night, i still feel yuck. i wanted to go bike riding today, but the weather is not urging me on. so: yuck today.


and nika, babe, i miss you too.