now it's funny because i hardly get stage fright any more, as an actress. once i'm on stage, the character takes over and i myself am no longer present. maybe that's the difference, because i sure as hell get scared before a slam. the crowd is amped, the person before me always gets some unheard-of score, they mispronounce my name, and then there i am, spotlighted, with this poem that thank god i have memorized because then they can't see how hard my hands are shaking. how hard i'm shaking, all over. except my voice, for which i suppose i owe thanks to the actress bit, and i can fill a room pretty well, and i don't do the rocking-back-and-forth thing while i read (as far as i can tell, at least) but goddamn but do i get nervous. my gut gets cramped and ucky and i get all sweaty and flap my hands alot. it's better once i begin, but i don't really lose myself the way i can in a play. it's all too me. but i suppose that's the good of it - and tonight i lost to a bunch of amazing and incredible and otherwise mind-boggling poets who i am proud to have lost to, and on monday i'm gonna do it again. this is my new favorite thing in the world, and i feel so fucking lucky to be able to participate. if you're on the left coast, come to SF on monday and see me. it'll be awesome, i swear.