> jumping into life.

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well, we're getting close. i'm essentially packed, except that i still don't have flipflops or bug repellent. though i do have a mosquito net to put over my bed, and two canisters of malaria pills, valued at 125 goddamn dollars each. i bought my host family - a divorced mother and her two adult sons - some ghirardelli chocolate and a calendar.

i keep having minor breakdowns. i've been listening to shannon campbell incessantly for the past week and a half, and i've got her voice reverbing in my bones. this whole thing stresses me far more than i expected, but i have to act like it doesn't because my parents are flipping out anyway. in fact, the energy required to deal with them, and their bickering, and their looming worry, is enough to exhaust me entirely. i got so used to living on my own if not alone, to solving my own problems, making my own plans, that now i curdle every time i'm told what to do.

also this: i realize that i would far rather have a truly comfortable conversation with my father than go to costa rica. given the choice, i think i'd prefer to go back to when we lived in a little house and my mom was a dog trainer and my dad dreamed of starting his own business, and friday night pizza was all the extravagance we needed.