evidently, they tell us, it is normal to hit a third week slump. to suddenly realize exactly how much you don't and may never know, to mix all your tenses and forget the easy ones, to stop understanding anyone when they say anything, to dream in spanish that isn't spanish but just loud noises you can't understand, to feel like you can't think and can't stop thinking, like your head is going to get so full and numb that everything may just grind to a horrible, embarrasing stop, to feel so tired and weary and busy all the time, to feel lost and lonely, to feel hideously american and greedy and foreign and conspicuous, to forget your english so that you can't talk to anyone properly, at all. to generally feel awful and shy and incapable and dull.


to top it off, i got in a spat with a classmate, and one whom i respect and admire, because i'm a dipshit when i feel insecure and the only thing i happened to know that day was how to conjugate the preterite and she happened to be doing it wrong. therefore i feel uncomfortable in class, uncomfortable more when i'm doing well than when i'm not, and as though i can't be right because it makes her wrong.


and it won't fucking stop raining.